I hear many of my friends and my children's friends talk about bullying and cyber bullying and how it is bothering them or that they or someone they know is being bullied. Since I have vowed to let bullying stop with me I felt to write this about bullying.
Bullying and
cyber-bullying is a large problem that affects everyone everywhere. The truth
of the matter is bullying and cyber-bullying is not limited to any specific age
group or gender. To define bullying and
cyber-bullying is almost the same but I want to define them separately. Bullying is unwanted aggressive
behavior that involves real or perceived power imbalance such as size or
popularity and behavior that is repeated or has the potential to be repeated
over time. Actions such as making threats; spreading rumors; attacking some
physically, emotionally, verbally; excluding someone from a group or activity
on purpose; fighting; name calling; teasing. Hurting another person to get
something or gain popularity and causing social harm; negative ability to
learn. Cyber-bullying is done
through electronic devices that can send and receive messages, emails, and
social network posts. It is mean messages, emails, and social network posts,
rumors sent by email, social network sites, instant messaging, and text
messaging. Embarrassing photos and videos; sending rumors, mean, or threatening emails, instant messages, text messages, social network posts and sending it to
other people via emails, text messages, instant messaging, and social network
posts. It also includes breaking into someone’s email, instant messaging, or
social networking accounts and bullying others while pretending to be that
person.
Bullying itself is
horrible to its victims but cyber-bullying is extreme. It occurs in the home
and strips away the safe secure feeling a home offers. Harsher things are said than
what would be said in person. It is more degrading due to the mass number of
people that can be reached through electronic technology. Cyber-bullying can
have long-lasting damaging effects on the victims because they can hide behind
screen names and email addresses that do not identify who they are. It is in
this not knowing that can add to the victim’s torment and lead to insecurity.
Bullying of any kind can greatly impact a victim’s socialization ability, drop
in grades, drop in work performance, low self-esteem, and change in interests,
jobs, and depression.
Everyone is affected by
bullying; the person being bullied, the bully, and the witnesses of bullying.
While everyone is a potential victim of bullying there are some people who are
more likely to be bullied. Such people include lesbians; gays; bisexuals;
transgender; have disabilities; special healthcare needs; socially isolated;
insecure; different in size, race, religion, interests; physically weak;
emotionally weak; seek approval; won’t tell on their bullies.
Now that we know what
bullying is and some groups of people it affects; would you be able to
recognize someone who is being bullied? Here are a few signs that could
indicate a person is being bullied: unexplainable injuries; lost or destroyed
clothing, books, paperwork, electronics, jewelry; frequent headaches and
stomach aches; feeling sick or faking illnesses; change in eating habits such
as skipping meals, binge eating; coming home from school or work hungry due to
not eating; difficulty sleeping; frequent nightmares; declining grades or work
performance; loss of interest in school or work; not wanting to go to school or
work; sudden loss of friends; avoidance of social situations; loss of interest
in previously enjoyed activities; feelings of helplessness; decreased
self-esteem; depression; self-destructive behaviors; running away from home;
harming self; talking about suicide; withdrawal; bruises; need for extra money
or supplies; use of violent behavior to protect themselves or to get revenge on
their bullies. How would you identify a
person who is the bully? Here are a few things to keep in mind: gets into
physical or verbal fights; has friends who bullies; are increasingly
aggressive; gets in trouble frequently; has unexplained extra money or new
belongings; blames others for their problems; does not accept responsibility
for their actions; are over competitive and worry about their reputation or
popularity; do poorly in school or on the job; drink alcohol, smoke, abuse
drugs; commit crimes; lacks empathy; has no sympathy for others; values
aggression and aggressive behavior; likes to be in charge; an arrogant winner
and a sore looser; fights frequently with siblings; and is very impulsive.
It is obvious that
bullying is a fast growing problem in our society. What can we do to stop it?
We actually can do lots of things. We can model positive ways to make friends;
set clear rules for behavior and monitor interactions carefully; take
complaints seriously; find out why someone is bullying (often there is a
trigger such as being sad, angry, lonely, insecure, major changes in home,
school, or work); is there difficulty making and keeping friends; don’t
encourage fighting rather help find non-violent ways to deal with bullies; help
those around you build self-confidence and self-esteem; help solve problems
without resorting to violence; support and participate in bullying prevention
programs; have a time of family conversation and ask everyone about their day,
giving them time to tell everything that happened good and bad and their
concerns; say I’m sorry when necessary; take responsibility for your words and
actions verbally, physically, and electronically. So what does the law say
about bullying? State and federal laws define bullying-like behaviors as
hazing, harassment, and stalking. There are many ways to get help. First and foremost,
call 911 in emergency situations, the National Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255;
contact a counselor or other mental health services; if happening on a school
campus contact a teacher, counselor, principle, superintendent, State
Department of Education, US Department Education office for Civil Rights, US Department
of Justice Civil Rights Division; online visit www.cyberbullying.us and www.wiredsafety.com. Do you see your child,
family member, friend, co-worker, and boss, anyone you know or even yourself in
any of the descriptions? If so do the right thing and let bullying stop with
you! It is hard to take the first step but once help is received we can all be
on the way to healing. What will you do to stop bullying around you?
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